Aug 12, 2009

Ten Take-Away Ponts

People often ask me what are the main points to "take away" from my Master Class or other multi-day training programs I provide. The trainings are about Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy, an evidence-based, effective, and empirically validated treatment and associated parenting approaches. I've come up with what I call the Ten Take-Away Points that I'd like parents and professionals to come away understanding after training:


1. Kind attributions
2. All behavior is adaptive.
a. Mental health is flexibility. Many children’s “problems” can be seen as caused by rigidity and not feeling safe.
b. Much of the child’s behavior can be explained by their being “relationship phobic.”
3. Strange or odd behavior represents our lack of empathy.
a. Is this a child who like to argue or a child who is fearful of being hurt, scared, hurt, and lacking trust?
4. It’s about connections not compliance
5. Mistakes are not a problem, lack of repair is.
6. Who owns the button?
7. Alliance is the key. Alliance is necessary to create a secure base, which is necessary to for exploration, integration, and healing.
8. Parents are the keystone.
9. How to stop a behavior? Treat the cause not the symptom. Address the underlying driver.
10. Shame, fear, anxiety underlie much.

13 comments:

RADOnline said...

Dr. Weidman,

Brilliant write up! I like all of your points. I am however, confused with one point:

3. Strange or odd behavior represents our lack of empathy.

What does this mean? Behavior from the child is caused by parents lack of empathy or the other way around?

Michael
http://www.rad-online.org

Arthur Becker-Weidman, PhD said...

Dear Michael,

Thanks for the question. what I am referring to is that all behavior has meaning and is adaptive. If some behavior appears to be odd or strange or incomprehensible, it is because we are not seeing the world through the other person's eyes; we don't have empathy.

If we have empathy and are able to understand the world as the other person does, then the behavior will "make sense" within that context; although it may not be adaptive now in this family, it probably was adaptive in the past in that family.

does this make sense now?

BTW, I like you site and registered there. Would it be ok if I post some articles there?

regards

art

RADOnline said...

Dear Dr. Weidman,

Yes, I have just activated your account, and you may now post articles on site!

Just remember, that when you post, make sure that you select the appropriate category for that particular article.

I really enjoy what you have to write. And I totally agree with you. The biggest problem with R.A.D. in my mind is that those that suffer from it do horrendous things, almost to the point where it's prohibitive to understand/comprehend the act.

But that's just my take on it as a R.A.D. Survivor.

Michael

RADOnline said...

Good morning Doctor!

Michael

Brenda said...

Excellent points. I have GOT to take one of your classes!

Michael~ My guess is that if your focusing on the behavior as strange or odd you are not focusing on giving empathy.

Brenda said...

Oops. I'm sorry I did not see Dr. Becker-Weidman had already answered in a much more complete way!!

Arthur Becker-Weidman, PhD said...

Dear Brenda,

Good to hear from you again.

Brenda said...

I love your blog. It gives me a place to go and get information based on research that is so very useful!!

Arthur Becker-Weidman, PhD said...

Thanks.

I try to stay current and keep people informed of material that is useful.

regards

Art

BeckyJoie at Leaders in Learning said...

I am browsing on your blog and enjoying the read. I agree with you that sympathy and understanding go a long way toward changing behavior. Of course, you would know better than I since that is your field.

Arthur Becker-Weidman, PhD said...

Dear BeckyJoie,

Thanks for your comments. I think being a professional and having worked with hundreds of families gives me some perspective. I would also note that the parents who live with children who have disorders of attachment and trauma know alot. In fact I often say that they are the real agents of change and healing. When things go well, 75% to 80% of the credit goes to the family for creating a healing home.

Brenda said...

Dr Becker-Weidman,

While I do believe the parents are vital in helping a child to heal I also give great credit to our attachment therapist in teaching us what to do to create that change.

Arthur Becker-Weidman, PhD said...

Dear Brenda,

I agree. I did not mean to denigrate the role of the therapist; I merely want to underscore how important are parents. Since parents live with the child, and since attachment problems are relationship problems that require treatment of and in the relationship, it is vital that the therapist work through the parents.