A new Master Class for Therapists is planned for 2010.
This class is designed to teach therapists how to provide Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy, which is an evidence-based, effective, and empirically validated treatment.
MASTER CLASS
Dyadic Developmental Therapy
(An attachment-based therapy)
Training for Therapists in the Treatment of Children with Trauma-Attachment Problems
2010
This workshop is for professionals who have a working knowledge of attachment, how it develops, how attachment disorders develop, and a general knowledge of treatment principals and attachment theory.
Early deprivation, neglect, abuse, significant early health problems and hospitalizations, repeated moves, or more than one year in an orphanage can create attachment problems that require specialized treatment. Traditional forms of therapy are ineffective with attachment-disordered children. This workshop will provide the therapist and other professionals with an opportunity to learn and practice effective treatment methods for trauma-attachment disordered children.
Participants are encouraged to bring in videotapes of sessions or to make arrangements to have a family attend a session for a consultation with the therapist and Dr. Becker-Weidman. .
Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy is an evidence-based treatment, effective, and empirically validated treatment that is grounded in current thinking and research on the etiology and treatment of Complex Trauma or Developmental Trauma Disorder. Treatment had an educational dimension, designed to help parents understand their child’s attachment disorder: how the child feels and thinks, and the child’s internal psychological dynamics. Second, teaching parents about attachment-facilitating parenting methods and the importance of attunement and responsive, sensitive parenting is essential. Direct work with the parents regarding their own family or origin issues is another componen5t of treatment. Finally, intensive emotional work with the child in a manner consistent with sound treatment principles is vital.
The workshop is led by Dr. Arthur Becker-Weidman, who is certified by the Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy Institute as a certified Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapist, Certified Consultant, and Certified Trainer. This workshop provides training hours that may be used by the participant to meet the required training hours necessary to become a Certified Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapist.
Purpose of Workshop
This workshop is for therapists who want to learn how to treat trauma-attachment disordered children. Participants will learn effective therapy principals for helping traumatized children. Participants will learn:
Initial assessment and treatment planning.
Beginning, middle, and ending phase interventions.
Developing attunement and maintaining attunement.
Practical implications of the relationship between neurobiology and attachment.
Effective therapeutic techniques to use with traumatized and attachment disordered children.
Effective parenting principals.
Participants will have the opportunity to view videotapes of actual therapy sessions with traumatized children that demonstrate therapeutic principals, present their own video tapes or bring in a client for a consultation, and view live therapy sessions.
SCHEDULE
A Six-month 42-hour Master Class.
10:00 am – 5:00 pm, March 27 – August 28, 2010 (3/27, 4/24, 5/22, 6/26, 7/24, 8/28). The schedule may be adjusted if all the participants agree, so contact the office for the most current schedule. Limited to 7 professionals.
OUTLINE
Evaluation & parenting preparation.
First session, beginnings, attunement, and managing resistance.
Neurobiology of interpersonal experience
Middle phase issues & psychodrama
Facilitating parent-child attachment
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Ending phase issues.
The treatment presented has demonstrated effectiveness. A follow-up study (see our website) clinically and statistically significant reductions in symptoms of attachment disorder, aggression, anti-social behavior, thought disorders, attention problems, mood, and social relationship dysfunction. Over 80% of the children treated had previously been in treatment on three or more occasions, without any noticeable improvement. Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy produced measurable and stable improvements. Treatment averaged 23 sessions over approximately ten months. (Arthur Becker-Weidman, Ph.D., Child & Adolescent Social Work, vol. 23, pp.137-171, 2006)
Click here for the brochure. http://www.center4familydevelop.com/2010MasterClass.pdf
Jul 18, 2009
Jul 6, 2009
Orphan: boycott
The bad press this movie is getting is heating up as more and more adoption groups and outraged parents voice their objections to this movie.
I encourage people to contact Warner Brothers. More to the point, I encourage you to contact your local theater and request that they do not screen the movie. Getting many people to contact the theater and to state that you will not attend that theater as long as that movie is showing may get them to not screen the film.
Editorials in the local paper would also help.
I encourage people to contact Warner Brothers. More to the point, I encourage you to contact your local theater and request that they do not screen the movie. Getting many people to contact the theater and to state that you will not attend that theater as long as that movie is showing may get them to not screen the film.
Editorials in the local paper would also help.
Jul 5, 2009
Orphan: A movie to boycott
Warner Brothers is releasing a movie that is already evoking serious concern among adoption groups, mental health professionals, and others in the child welfare system. "Orphan" presents the story of an adopted child who is "damaged goods" and is violent and aggressive toward her adoptive family while appearing sweet and innocent to others. She is presented as a calculating, cunning child whose intention is to hurt her new family.
Children with complex trauma or disorders of attachment may be aggressive, violent, and difficult to live with. However their behavior is usually grounded in fear. Their early experiences may have "taught" them that relationships and intimacy are to be feared and avoided because these are inconsistent, painful, and not helpful.
This movie is a grounded in the myth that adopted children are emotionally disturbed because of "bad genes," and so there is not hope. Nothing could be further from the truth. See: "Brown University Child and Adolescent Behavior Letter" (Demick, K.( 2007) "Challenging the common myths about adoption". Vol. 23 (4), p. 8).
Complex trauma often results in impairment in several domains and must be treated with effective, evidence-based, and empirically validated treatments, such a Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy. How long the child has experienced maltreatment is a major factor in outcome. In addition, the adoptive parent's understanding of the early trauma and how that effects later behavior is also key to a good outcome. For older children "usual" or "automatic" parenting is usually not good enough and some form of therapeutic parenting is necessary (see Creating Capacity for Attachment edited by Arthur Becker-Weidman & Deborah Shell). The research is clear that the factors associated with "placement stability," include the caregiver's commitment, sensitivity, insightfulness, and state of mind with respect to attachment.
This film sends the wrong message. It is also based on incorrect data and information regarding the effects of early trauma on child development and what parents can do.
Boycott this film.
Children with complex trauma or disorders of attachment may be aggressive, violent, and difficult to live with. However their behavior is usually grounded in fear. Their early experiences may have "taught" them that relationships and intimacy are to be feared and avoided because these are inconsistent, painful, and not helpful.
This movie is a grounded in the myth that adopted children are emotionally disturbed because of "bad genes," and so there is not hope. Nothing could be further from the truth. See: "Brown University Child and Adolescent Behavior Letter" (Demick, K.( 2007) "Challenging the common myths about adoption". Vol. 23 (4), p. 8).
Complex trauma often results in impairment in several domains and must be treated with effective, evidence-based, and empirically validated treatments, such a Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy. How long the child has experienced maltreatment is a major factor in outcome. In addition, the adoptive parent's understanding of the early trauma and how that effects later behavior is also key to a good outcome. For older children "usual" or "automatic" parenting is usually not good enough and some form of therapeutic parenting is necessary (see Creating Capacity for Attachment edited by Arthur Becker-Weidman & Deborah Shell). The research is clear that the factors associated with "placement stability," include the caregiver's commitment, sensitivity, insightfulness, and state of mind with respect to attachment.
This film sends the wrong message. It is also based on incorrect data and information regarding the effects of early trauma on child development and what parents can do.
Boycott this film.
Jul 4, 2009
The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog
BOOK REVIEW
The Boy Who was Raised as a Dog by Bruce Perry & Maia Szalavitz, Basic Books, NY, 2006.
This terrifically engaging and readable book can be thought of as the case-book companion to Dr. Daniel Siegel’s The Developing Mind. Dr. Perry and Ms. Szalavitz, an award winning writer, present eleven stories, hence the subtitle: “And other stories from a Child Psychiatrist’s Notebook. What traumatized children can teach us about loss, love, and healing.” In this book each story describes a child’s trauma, how this affected the child, and what could be done about that. Much of what Dr. Perry presents may not be new, but the manner in which his insights are woven into these stories is wonderful. A major theme is how early maltreatment dysregulates the stress-response system and how this state eventually becomes a trait. He peppers the book with some very interesting tidbits…such as that many children who have experienced chronic early trauma have elevated resting heart rates. This is one of those things that, after reading, I said, Oh, I think I new that, but never really thought about it. (BTW, this helps explain why and how the blood pressure medication, Clonadine can sometimes be helpful for children who experience Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.) When I began asking the families I see to take the pulse of their children while the child was asleep, a large percentage (over half!) reported resting pulse rates of over 110 bpm.
The book emphasizes and underscores the power of relationships to wound and heal. “To calm a frightened child, you must first calm yourself.” This simple and profound statement is echoed throughout the book and can be considered one of the cornerstones of good parenting and treatment. In another section of the book, “The Coldest Heart,” he describes how many traumatized children have a large split between verbal and performance scores and how this reflects imbalances in the brain’s capacity to modulate affect. Although this, and other insights, may seem esoteric, it is the way these insights are woven into very touching stories that make the material memorable and usable.
Each story is both delightful and horrifying to read. Dr. Perry’s compassion and insights are models of how a therapist should act. The stories include the Branch Davidian children and some other famous cases. This is a must read book that should be in every clinician’s bookcase. I have also begun recommending it to parents, who are finding the insights presented very helpful in understanding their child and developing better ways of managing their own feelings.
The Boy Who was Raised as a Dog by Bruce Perry & Maia Szalavitz, Basic Books, NY, 2006.
This terrifically engaging and readable book can be thought of as the case-book companion to Dr. Daniel Siegel’s The Developing Mind. Dr. Perry and Ms. Szalavitz, an award winning writer, present eleven stories, hence the subtitle: “And other stories from a Child Psychiatrist’s Notebook. What traumatized children can teach us about loss, love, and healing.” In this book each story describes a child’s trauma, how this affected the child, and what could be done about that. Much of what Dr. Perry presents may not be new, but the manner in which his insights are woven into these stories is wonderful. A major theme is how early maltreatment dysregulates the stress-response system and how this state eventually becomes a trait. He peppers the book with some very interesting tidbits…such as that many children who have experienced chronic early trauma have elevated resting heart rates. This is one of those things that, after reading, I said, Oh, I think I new that, but never really thought about it. (BTW, this helps explain why and how the blood pressure medication, Clonadine can sometimes be helpful for children who experience Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.) When I began asking the families I see to take the pulse of their children while the child was asleep, a large percentage (over half!) reported resting pulse rates of over 110 bpm.
The book emphasizes and underscores the power of relationships to wound and heal. “To calm a frightened child, you must first calm yourself.” This simple and profound statement is echoed throughout the book and can be considered one of the cornerstones of good parenting and treatment. In another section of the book, “The Coldest Heart,” he describes how many traumatized children have a large split between verbal and performance scores and how this reflects imbalances in the brain’s capacity to modulate affect. Although this, and other insights, may seem esoteric, it is the way these insights are woven into very touching stories that make the material memorable and usable.
Each story is both delightful and horrifying to read. Dr. Perry’s compassion and insights are models of how a therapist should act. The stories include the Branch Davidian children and some other famous cases. This is a must read book that should be in every clinician’s bookcase. I have also begun recommending it to parents, who are finding the insights presented very helpful in understanding their child and developing better ways of managing their own feelings.
Jun 24, 2009
Children with Sexual Behavior Problems
Children with sexual behavior problems, a broad category including such diverse behaviors as public masturbation, touching others, and aggressive behaviors, are challenging for the adults in their lives. The most recent issue of Child Maltreatment, Vol. 13, #2, May 2008 is devoted to this topic. The issue describes important material regarding assessment, treatment, policy and stereotypes.
I found the material that countered “common knowledge,” most interesting. Do children who have been sexually abused develop sexual behavior problems? Yes, they do have increased rates of sexual behavior problems (SBP), as do other children with other types of trauma. In fact exposure to violence has a much stronger association with SPB’s than does prior sexual abuse. The material makes clear that SBP’s are complex behaviors with multidimensional elements.
The issue is encouraging and supportive of our work. Several articles make the point that including the family in treatment is an important element of efficacious treatment.
The article by Mark Chaffin on policy is very interesting. The perception that youthful sex-offenders are high risk, unique and require special treatment, are homogeneous, and impossible or very difficult to treat turns out to be false. Research shows that children with SBP’s pose a low long-term risk for future child sexual abuse perpetration and sex crimes. For example, for teenage sex offenders the long-term future sex offense rates are between 5% (for those who received treatment) 15% (for those without treatment). For pre-teen children the range is 2% to 10% at ten year follow-up. At ten year follow-up the rate of sex abuse perpetration among those with SBP’s who received treatment was no different than for those children with ADHD. This and other material supports the argument that the policy issue of putting such children on public lists is simply bad policy. Other material shows that children with SBP’s do not require specialized treatment and that generally effective treatment approaches are effective for these children.
There are several other excellent articles in this issue. One describes the impact of various maltreatment experiences on sexualized behaviors. Another describes predictors of SPB’s among children with complex histories of maltreatment. There are two outcome studies and a very well written meta-analysis of treatment for children with SBP’s. Finally, the issue ends with the Report of the ATSA Task Force on Children with Sexual Behavior Problems which describes best practices for the evaluation and treatment of children with SBP’s and various policy recommendations.
In summary, this is an outstanding journal issue and it should be in every clinician’s library.
I found the material that countered “common knowledge,” most interesting. Do children who have been sexually abused develop sexual behavior problems? Yes, they do have increased rates of sexual behavior problems (SBP), as do other children with other types of trauma. In fact exposure to violence has a much stronger association with SPB’s than does prior sexual abuse. The material makes clear that SBP’s are complex behaviors with multidimensional elements.
The issue is encouraging and supportive of our work. Several articles make the point that including the family in treatment is an important element of efficacious treatment.
The article by Mark Chaffin on policy is very interesting. The perception that youthful sex-offenders are high risk, unique and require special treatment, are homogeneous, and impossible or very difficult to treat turns out to be false. Research shows that children with SBP’s pose a low long-term risk for future child sexual abuse perpetration and sex crimes. For example, for teenage sex offenders the long-term future sex offense rates are between 5% (for those who received treatment) 15% (for those without treatment). For pre-teen children the range is 2% to 10% at ten year follow-up. At ten year follow-up the rate of sex abuse perpetration among those with SBP’s who received treatment was no different than for those children with ADHD. This and other material supports the argument that the policy issue of putting such children on public lists is simply bad policy. Other material shows that children with SBP’s do not require specialized treatment and that generally effective treatment approaches are effective for these children.
There are several other excellent articles in this issue. One describes the impact of various maltreatment experiences on sexualized behaviors. Another describes predictors of SPB’s among children with complex histories of maltreatment. There are two outcome studies and a very well written meta-analysis of treatment for children with SBP’s. Finally, the issue ends with the Report of the ATSA Task Force on Children with Sexual Behavior Problems which describes best practices for the evaluation and treatment of children with SBP’s and various policy recommendations.
In summary, this is an outstanding journal issue and it should be in every clinician’s library.
Jun 20, 2009
Bringing Your Child Home from the Orphanage: ideas
Generally, infants adopted before the age of six months fare no differently than infants raised from birth. However, after six months, the effects of institutional care begin to emerge. It is important to realize that even the best orphanages are not good places to raise a child. In NY state the infant-care giver ratio required by regulation for infant day care is no more than two infants per care provider...so 5:1 is better than 10:1, but still it won't help the child develop a normal, healthy, and secure attachment to a specific figure, which is what the attachment system is supposed to do. Several visits during a year won't make much of any difference on your child's development or on this most important process.
That being said, it is also important to remember that children are rather "plastic" and that attachment develops during the first two to three years of life. So, you will need to do some work when you bring your child home to make up for the early deprivations that your child has experienced.
1. It is best to make the room as similar to the orphanage as possible to make for an easier transition.
2. Serve the same foods at first.
3. Keep ALL others at a distance for the first several weeks to months so your child develops a specific and unique bond with you.
4. It would be best for you to spend the first two to three months at home constantly with the child; carrying the child and physically being present to meet the child's needs and to develop a affectively attuned relationship that will allow you to anticipate your child's needs and meet those, as well.
1) YOU, AND ONLY YOU, WEAR YOUR BABY!! Carry them with you wherever you go, and whatever you do. (Unless dangerous) Attach them to your bodies. A great baby carrier is one that the baby can have skin to skin contact with you – Baby Trekker (1-800-665-3957) is a good one. Carry the baby on your hip; tie to your body under a sweatshirt, front carrier, or in your arms. The more contact the better. These babies were not held enough. Hold Them!!!! A LOT!!! ALL THE TIME!!!! For the rare times the baby is not in your arms, have them in the same room as you are in.
2) YOU ARE THE ONLY CAREGIVER!! You always bottle, feed, bath, dress, change and most of the play. If friends and family want to help let them walk the dog or clean your house, wash bottles or do laundry, bring food or make you tea. No baby-sitters and no sending the baby away for respite. Until your baby is firmly emotionally attached to you, NO ONE the baby doesn't see daily should hold or even touch him or her, and even those that the baby sees daily should hold him or her at a very minimum.
3) KEEP THE BOTTLE AS LONG AS POSSIBLE –EVEN LONGER! You, not the baby, hold the bottle. You can hold the bottle with your chin so you have two hands to snuggle your baby close to you. One handed it also fine. Hold the child the way a nursing mother does – chest to chest, close to you with as much skin-to-skin contact as possible. Look your baby in the eyes and when they do, instantly put the bottle in their mouth and tell them good job!! Keep looking at their eyes so when they are ready for eye contact, you don't miss it. Note: some babies with sensory-integration difficulties may find eye contact too stimulating and it may actually be disruptive to the child.
4) BATHE WITH YOUR BABY; this encourages skin-to-skin contact in a nice relaxing warm fun way.
5) A LOT OF FACE-TO-FACE baby games and funny faces and TONS of smiles and kisses!! Paint bright circles around your eyes. Close one eye, then the other, rapidly blink, and then change speeds, all the time with funny noises. Cover both eyes then one, and so on. Have the baby sit on your lap, and if this is too hard for them at first, lay them on a bed to do it. Then slowly trick them into letting you touch and hold them!! Keep it fun for them.
6) WHEN THERE IS A GREAT DEAL OF ANGER OR AVOIDANCE, the baby NEEDS you to hold them, even if they don't WANT to be held. They feel so far away from you, and have to be brought closer to heal. Cradle the baby in your arms. Have their arm closest to you held close. Talk soothingly to them, and tell them to look in mommy's eyes. They most likely won't at first, and will become very angry, (actually they were already very angry, the anger is just allowed to come out in a safe loved way) other times in their life they were not able to get their needs met; anger and avoidance came out of that. They were often ignored, hit, or yelled at. That is why it is SO IMPORTANT this ALL be done in an extremely loving way. Never squeeze the baby too close, speak harshly, lose your cool or forget why you are doing this. If you get to feel their anger, immediately put them down and call support. You have to remain supportive, yet expect their best. They may try to hit you, scratch, bite, scream and get to you any way they can. Their intense rage is there. Yes, even little babies. Eye contact, feeling safe, and being accepted no matter what in a loving way is the goal here. For whatever reason, they have shut off people. Now they need YOU to heal. Rub them, soothe them in singing, and soft speech, rock them and tell them you love them. Keep it up until they will calm down and look in your eyes and FEEL connected to you. At times they will fall asleep screaming. If so, and if possible, continue to hold them until they wake up, and then continue above. If you need to lay them down, have a monitor on so you can pick them up as soon as they wake up. For the very avoidant baby one unsolicited eye contact a week could be considered good! Keep it up; you have several good eye contacts a minute to look forward to! Remember, you did not create this anger in your baby.
7) NOW IS THE BEST AND EASIEST TIME TO WORK WITH YOUR BABY.
8) DO A LOT OF BABY MASSAGES. For the real avoidant baby, a half-hour. Each day you delay, the harder it is for them and you. Attachment issues do NOT just go away on their own. They only get worse. Twice a day would be minimum. All the time talk, sing and let that baby know how special they are!! Most of the babies seem to really enjoy this, and my daughter would even get out the lotion as soon as she could reach for it!!
9) ROCK THAT BABY!! They often can't stand you sitting in a rocking chair, but can often tolerate and enjoy you walking and dancing with them in your arms. (Remember face-to-face contact during this) Gentle motion, bouncing and rocking are a must!!
10) SLEEP WITH THE BABY. If you can, the best is to have the baby in your bed close to you. Second choice is to have the baby in their crib right next to your side of the bed with the side rail down. Have the crib touching snug to your bed, so if they climb out, they climb safely onto you!! They need t hear your breathing and know you are close. Yet for someone over one, you get special permission (in writing) to have him or her sleep in your room for mental health reasons. Should not be a big problem. Have the baby always fall asleep in your arms. Nap or night. They need to get used to feeling loved!!
11) SING, SING, SING!!! It lightens the load, and helps the baby feel the happy friendliness they missed out on. Joyful voices are so important!
12) ENCOURAGE EYE CONTACT WHEN FEEDING, BOTTLING, TALKING, CHANGING, AND ALL THE TIME!!
13) EXPECT A DIRTY HOUSE, soup out of the can and sandwiches for supper and piles of laundry. Know that you are not super mom, and that baby can't wait until all is in order to get on with their lives. Here is where all those well-meaning friends that want to hold that precious baby come in!! Let them work!!!
14) EXPECT TO BE CRITICIZED AND ACCUSED as over possessive, spoiling the baby, and making more than you should out of the baby's problems. You will be told all babies do that. This is by well meaning friends, neighbors, relatives, doctors, and social workers. Stick to what YOU KNOW the baby needs, and fight to get that for them. Remember YOU know that baby more than anyone else.
15) HAVE A GREAT SUPPORT SYSTEM. Have a trusted friend (hopefully someone who has had experience in attachment disorder) that you can call without being told you are making too much of it. Read books on attachment disorder. Know what dangers await that baby if they are not helped. Working with an infant or toddler has such a HUGE chance for success!! Not one act of kindness is wasted.
16) GET AN OFFICIAL EVALUATION BY AN ATTACHMENT EXPERT.
That way in court and with workers you do have leg to stand on in getting these babies what they need!!! It is a lot easier when you have a well-respected expert stick up for you.
17) KNOW YOU NEITHER CREATED YOUR BABY'S PROBLEMS, NOR CAN YOU CURE THEM. Your job is to give the baby the tools they need. The rest is up to them.
18) FOR THE BABY THAT HAS NOT YET ENTERED YOUR HOME – when you get that baby, get a piece of clothing or blanket unwashed and used recently by the primary caregiver. The smell will help the move. And don't you wash it!! Keep it close to the baby to help the baby adjust. No matter the baby's age or living conditions, the move to you is not easy. Never push this object, but make it available.
19) HELP YOUR BABY WITH A TRANSITIONAL OBJECT. This is a blanket or soft toy they can sleep with, use it in the car seat, and for the RARE time you cannot be with them. Helps in security.
21) IF YOU DO ALL OF THESE WITH LOVE AND KINDNESS AND THINGS GET WORSE OR REMAIN THE SAME, GET HELP.
That being said, it is also important to remember that children are rather "plastic" and that attachment develops during the first two to three years of life. So, you will need to do some work when you bring your child home to make up for the early deprivations that your child has experienced.
1. It is best to make the room as similar to the orphanage as possible to make for an easier transition.
2. Serve the same foods at first.
3. Keep ALL others at a distance for the first several weeks to months so your child develops a specific and unique bond with you.
4. It would be best for you to spend the first two to three months at home constantly with the child; carrying the child and physically being present to meet the child's needs and to develop a affectively attuned relationship that will allow you to anticipate your child's needs and meet those, as well.
1) YOU, AND ONLY YOU, WEAR YOUR BABY!! Carry them with you wherever you go, and whatever you do. (Unless dangerous) Attach them to your bodies. A great baby carrier is one that the baby can have skin to skin contact with you – Baby Trekker (1-800-665-3957) is a good one. Carry the baby on your hip; tie to your body under a sweatshirt, front carrier, or in your arms. The more contact the better. These babies were not held enough. Hold Them!!!! A LOT!!! ALL THE TIME!!!! For the rare times the baby is not in your arms, have them in the same room as you are in.
2) YOU ARE THE ONLY CAREGIVER!! You always bottle, feed, bath, dress, change and most of the play. If friends and family want to help let them walk the dog or clean your house, wash bottles or do laundry, bring food or make you tea. No baby-sitters and no sending the baby away for respite. Until your baby is firmly emotionally attached to you, NO ONE the baby doesn't see daily should hold or even touch him or her, and even those that the baby sees daily should hold him or her at a very minimum.
3) KEEP THE BOTTLE AS LONG AS POSSIBLE –EVEN LONGER! You, not the baby, hold the bottle. You can hold the bottle with your chin so you have two hands to snuggle your baby close to you. One handed it also fine. Hold the child the way a nursing mother does – chest to chest, close to you with as much skin-to-skin contact as possible. Look your baby in the eyes and when they do, instantly put the bottle in their mouth and tell them good job!! Keep looking at their eyes so when they are ready for eye contact, you don't miss it. Note: some babies with sensory-integration difficulties may find eye contact too stimulating and it may actually be disruptive to the child.
4) BATHE WITH YOUR BABY; this encourages skin-to-skin contact in a nice relaxing warm fun way.
5) A LOT OF FACE-TO-FACE baby games and funny faces and TONS of smiles and kisses!! Paint bright circles around your eyes. Close one eye, then the other, rapidly blink, and then change speeds, all the time with funny noises. Cover both eyes then one, and so on. Have the baby sit on your lap, and if this is too hard for them at first, lay them on a bed to do it. Then slowly trick them into letting you touch and hold them!! Keep it fun for them.
6) WHEN THERE IS A GREAT DEAL OF ANGER OR AVOIDANCE, the baby NEEDS you to hold them, even if they don't WANT to be held. They feel so far away from you, and have to be brought closer to heal. Cradle the baby in your arms. Have their arm closest to you held close. Talk soothingly to them, and tell them to look in mommy's eyes. They most likely won't at first, and will become very angry, (actually they were already very angry, the anger is just allowed to come out in a safe loved way) other times in their life they were not able to get their needs met; anger and avoidance came out of that. They were often ignored, hit, or yelled at. That is why it is SO IMPORTANT this ALL be done in an extremely loving way. Never squeeze the baby too close, speak harshly, lose your cool or forget why you are doing this. If you get to feel their anger, immediately put them down and call support. You have to remain supportive, yet expect their best. They may try to hit you, scratch, bite, scream and get to you any way they can. Their intense rage is there. Yes, even little babies. Eye contact, feeling safe, and being accepted no matter what in a loving way is the goal here. For whatever reason, they have shut off people. Now they need YOU to heal. Rub them, soothe them in singing, and soft speech, rock them and tell them you love them. Keep it up until they will calm down and look in your eyes and FEEL connected to you. At times they will fall asleep screaming. If so, and if possible, continue to hold them until they wake up, and then continue above. If you need to lay them down, have a monitor on so you can pick them up as soon as they wake up. For the very avoidant baby one unsolicited eye contact a week could be considered good! Keep it up; you have several good eye contacts a minute to look forward to! Remember, you did not create this anger in your baby.
7) NOW IS THE BEST AND EASIEST TIME TO WORK WITH YOUR BABY.
8) DO A LOT OF BABY MASSAGES. For the real avoidant baby, a half-hour. Each day you delay, the harder it is for them and you. Attachment issues do NOT just go away on their own. They only get worse. Twice a day would be minimum. All the time talk, sing and let that baby know how special they are!! Most of the babies seem to really enjoy this, and my daughter would even get out the lotion as soon as she could reach for it!!
9) ROCK THAT BABY!! They often can't stand you sitting in a rocking chair, but can often tolerate and enjoy you walking and dancing with them in your arms. (Remember face-to-face contact during this) Gentle motion, bouncing and rocking are a must!!
10) SLEEP WITH THE BABY. If you can, the best is to have the baby in your bed close to you. Second choice is to have the baby in their crib right next to your side of the bed with the side rail down. Have the crib touching snug to your bed, so if they climb out, they climb safely onto you!! They need t hear your breathing and know you are close. Yet for someone over one, you get special permission (in writing) to have him or her sleep in your room for mental health reasons. Should not be a big problem. Have the baby always fall asleep in your arms. Nap or night. They need to get used to feeling loved!!
11) SING, SING, SING!!! It lightens the load, and helps the baby feel the happy friendliness they missed out on. Joyful voices are so important!
12) ENCOURAGE EYE CONTACT WHEN FEEDING, BOTTLING, TALKING, CHANGING, AND ALL THE TIME!!
13) EXPECT A DIRTY HOUSE, soup out of the can and sandwiches for supper and piles of laundry. Know that you are not super mom, and that baby can't wait until all is in order to get on with their lives. Here is where all those well-meaning friends that want to hold that precious baby come in!! Let them work!!!
14) EXPECT TO BE CRITICIZED AND ACCUSED as over possessive, spoiling the baby, and making more than you should out of the baby's problems. You will be told all babies do that. This is by well meaning friends, neighbors, relatives, doctors, and social workers. Stick to what YOU KNOW the baby needs, and fight to get that for them. Remember YOU know that baby more than anyone else.
15) HAVE A GREAT SUPPORT SYSTEM. Have a trusted friend (hopefully someone who has had experience in attachment disorder) that you can call without being told you are making too much of it. Read books on attachment disorder. Know what dangers await that baby if they are not helped. Working with an infant or toddler has such a HUGE chance for success!! Not one act of kindness is wasted.
16) GET AN OFFICIAL EVALUATION BY AN ATTACHMENT EXPERT.
That way in court and with workers you do have leg to stand on in getting these babies what they need!!! It is a lot easier when you have a well-respected expert stick up for you.
17) KNOW YOU NEITHER CREATED YOUR BABY'S PROBLEMS, NOR CAN YOU CURE THEM. Your job is to give the baby the tools they need. The rest is up to them.
18) FOR THE BABY THAT HAS NOT YET ENTERED YOUR HOME – when you get that baby, get a piece of clothing or blanket unwashed and used recently by the primary caregiver. The smell will help the move. And don't you wash it!! Keep it close to the baby to help the baby adjust. No matter the baby's age or living conditions, the move to you is not easy. Never push this object, but make it available.
19) HELP YOUR BABY WITH A TRANSITIONAL OBJECT. This is a blanket or soft toy they can sleep with, use it in the car seat, and for the RARE time you cannot be with them. Helps in security.
21) IF YOU DO ALL OF THESE WITH LOVE AND KINDNESS AND THINGS GET WORSE OR REMAIN THE SAME, GET HELP.
Jun 16, 2009
What I've learned by working overseas
Recently a psychologist from the Czech Republic completed a month-long training program at The Center for Family Development. I’ve been reflecting on how training professionals from other countries here at the Center, and my travels training others overseas has affected my work I’ve trained professionals from any countries: Canada, Singapore, Australia, Bermuda, Finland, and the Czech Republic. Those of you who teach may have an experience similar to mine; that teaching keeps my thinking fresh, current, and in an ongoing process of development. Having to explain and demonstrate treatment principles causes me to think about my work and the work of others in a fresh and deep way. It also prods me to read and research. Training professionals from other nations who have a different culture, history, and language has enriched my work in a number of ways. It causes me to think about the differences in:
Child Welfare policies
Child Welfare practices
Effects of different experiences on child development
Universals
The meaning of symptoms
The meaning of words
Some examples of the differences I’ve noticed in child welfare policy and practice include the following. In the US many domestically adopted children receive a subsidy from the state. This is to encourage families to adopt since adoption is preferable to “permanent” foster care. Many other nations do not provide adoption subsidies and we find that their placement rates are much lower than in the US and the length of time children spend in care is much longer. The Czech Republic uses primarily institutional care for children and not foster care. In some countries the government places children only within their community (ethnic and religious).
My travels and training at the Center have led me to think much more precisely about language. For example, some concepts and words in our language are very difficult to translate into the other language, For example, the concept “Dyadic” in Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy cannot be translated into Finnish. I think much more precisely about language in my practice and I listen carefully to words and the many meanings of similar words. Words define and give meaning to experiences and define one’s reality. Different words lead to different meanings and different realities, even though the objective experiences may be the same in treatment now I focus a lot on the words families and children us and how that affects relationships for good and bad. For example, how often have you heard a child say, “I was bad,” instead of “I did something bad/wrong.” What a difference that represents. Or, “When I think about John and my kids,” versus “When I think about John and my other sons.” My work overseas as made me more open to ambiguity in language and to then explore that ambiguity (“What do you mean by xxxx,” or “Does that mean xxxx?”). I find that clarifying those ambiguities is helpful for development and healing. Discussing the meaning of events, experiences, and words with families and helping them discuss that among themselves seems to help increase their reflective function, empathy, and insightfulness.
Child Welfare policies
Child Welfare practices
Effects of different experiences on child development
Universals
The meaning of symptoms
The meaning of words
Some examples of the differences I’ve noticed in child welfare policy and practice include the following. In the US many domestically adopted children receive a subsidy from the state. This is to encourage families to adopt since adoption is preferable to “permanent” foster care. Many other nations do not provide adoption subsidies and we find that their placement rates are much lower than in the US and the length of time children spend in care is much longer. The Czech Republic uses primarily institutional care for children and not foster care. In some countries the government places children only within their community (ethnic and religious).
My travels and training at the Center have led me to think much more precisely about language. For example, some concepts and words in our language are very difficult to translate into the other language, For example, the concept “Dyadic” in Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy cannot be translated into Finnish. I think much more precisely about language in my practice and I listen carefully to words and the many meanings of similar words. Words define and give meaning to experiences and define one’s reality. Different words lead to different meanings and different realities, even though the objective experiences may be the same in treatment now I focus a lot on the words families and children us and how that affects relationships for good and bad. For example, how often have you heard a child say, “I was bad,” instead of “I did something bad/wrong.” What a difference that represents. Or, “When I think about John and my kids,” versus “When I think about John and my other sons.” My work overseas as made me more open to ambiguity in language and to then explore that ambiguity (“What do you mean by xxxx,” or “Does that mean xxxx?”). I find that clarifying those ambiguities is helpful for development and healing. Discussing the meaning of events, experiences, and words with families and helping them discuss that among themselves seems to help increase their reflective function, empathy, and insightfulness.
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